The last, mmm... 18 months of my life has been... dark.  A lot going on.
But the last month or so, a momentum has been building. 
They say that when you are at your lowest, there is no place to look but up.
God had to purify me of some things, and not to say I'm pure yet,  but my heart has been shown its many taints and I openly accept that i can do nothing but fail when I try to fix it myself.

My soul still sinks to those low places, my enthusiasm is bleak and rare.  But i see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I have kept the faith through the dry season, and now i hear the pitter patter of rain drops upon the scorched ground upon which i stand.

So what does Don allude to?

As i shared at last night's prayer meeting, there is much to give praise for:

1)  My grandfather is home.  He still can't walk, but he is home. The infections that were ravaging his body are either gone or control.  He's on the mend.

2) My father got a job.

3) I got offered and accepted the position of Youth Leader (i don't know what else to call it) at the Korean church here in G'ville (KCBG).

The last one brings me the most joy, even though i know it will be the hardest, and will probably bring me the most emotional  pain (did i learn anything from shepherding freshman this last year? we will see...). 

Many other things have been coming to fruit, after a looong wait.   Many other things are trying to swallow me as well.  Let's pray that i can keep my head above the water.
With all these things coming to an end, with new things coming to birth.  I feel like this summer is the beginning of a new year.  Last new year began cold, empty, and full of disappointment.  With this summer comes a renewed hope.  Let's keep looking upward, there's no place else to go.

"It's not the fear of drowning,
It's the breathing,
That's taking all this work."  -- Jars of Clay "Work"

Thomas Merton's Prayer

 of Abandonment

 

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.

 

I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.

 

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

 

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you and I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

 

And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road although I may know nothing about it.

 

Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

thank you Marie